As far back As I can REMEMBER

 By Sai kumkala | Tech • Life • Experience • Motivation

As far back as I can remember… I was the kind of kid who liked saying big things out loud.

I think my mother was talking to our neighbour that day. I don’t even know why I walked toward them suddenly. But I remember standing there, small but serious, and saying,

“Amma, when I grow up, I’ll become a doctor. I’ll build a big hospital.”

Not just a doctor. A big hospital.

I don’t know where that came from.

Maybe I had heard people praise doctors.Maybe I just wanted to see that proud smile on her face.

And then… after a few days. Or maybe the very next day. I changed it.

This time I said I would become an engineer.

At that age, as far as I knew, the world had only two powerful words — doctor and engineer. That was it. That was success. That was respect.

I didn’t know what engineers actually did , But I knew adults respected them.

And maybe, even without understanding it fully, I already wanted that respect.

There’s another memory that keeps flashing in between.

Me. Sitting in class. Writing poems.

Not for competitions.Not for marks.

But for the girls in my class.

I don’t even know how serious those poems were. But I remember the feeling of writing something and wanting someone to read it.

It wasn’t about love.

It was about expression.

All About being seen.

When I think about it now, I smile at the kid who wanted to build a hospital.

I smile at the teenager writing poems just to impress someone.

I smile at the boy who wrote emotional lines after 10th exams, worrying about the future.

But somewhere inside, I realize something.

As far back as I can remember… I was always trying to define who I would become.

Through big declarations.

Through poems.

Through emotional stanzas about change.

Maybe I didn’t know the path. 

But one thing was constant. I always cared about the future.

Even before I understood it.

And if I put all these memories aside for a moment… there’s another truth.

As far back as I can remember, I was an excellent student.

Not just good. Not average. I was always at the top.

First rank wasn’t just a position for me. It was a habit.

Because hunger was always there.I didn’t just want to win once.I wanted to stay there.

What if someone else scores more?

 No one forced it on me. But I carried it anyway.

Being first slowly stopped feeling like an achievement. It started feeling like something I had to protect.Marks weren’t just numbers. They were proof.

Proof that I was capable.

Proof that I mattered.

Proof that I was still ahead.

And the topper… afraid of losing first place.

This is all " As far back as I can remember "